New App Allows Local Firms to Swipe Right on Potential Buyers

A satirical blog post in celebration of April Fool’s Day, as featured in Accounting Today.

With all the M&A activity in public accounting today, buyers and sellers alike will benefit from Cringe, a new agentic AI matchmaking app that surveys potential buyers and sellers on your behalf and constructs responses as if they’re from you, freeing up time for you to spend on compliance work.

Here are some featured profile questions that CPA firm users will answer to be matched with the perfect buyer or seller partner. Since PE firm users already have contact info for all CPA firm members, they don’t need to fill out a profile – they will just get in touch.

1. What are you into? Choose one.

• Fierce independence
• PE curious
• Fierce independence and PE curious
• ESOPs

2. What matters to you? Check all that apply.

• Our people
• Our clients
• Our inefficient processes
• Money, money, money

3. Catfishing alert: What is most likely to be inaccurate or misleading on your firm’s financials? Choose one.

• Partner spouses on payroll
• Exorbitant rent for the building we own
• One $12.50 burrito that was really a personal meal and not a business expense
• Profitability

4. Hobbies outside of work? Check all that apply.

• Raising a family
• Pickleball
• Admin work not finished during the 65-hour week
• Hot yoga

5. Choose our first date: Choose one.

• Teams call with connection issues and poor lighting
• Windowless hotel conference room
• Dinner at a nice restaurant
• Heli-skiing

6. Which would be your most likely deal breaker? Choose one.

• Size of offer is too small
• Agonizing and exhausting terms negotiations
• Honest conversations with previously acquired firms

7. What size diamond ring are you looking for or offering? Choose one.

• 70%–80% of revenues
• 8–10x EBITDA
• There is no ring big enough

8. What does your profile pic say about you? Check all that apply.

• Accountant through and through
• I got a headshot once 15 years ago
• Client delight

9. How are you utilizing AI? Choose one.

• We are definitely thinking about it
• Have replaced all staff with AI agents
• We relentlessly and meticulously deploy cutting-edge artificial intelligence to proactively and strategically transform data into precise, insightfully predictive, and client-centric financial brilliance.
• Updated that profile pic with ease

10. Your position: Choose one.

• Total buyer (buyer only)
• Looking to exit with next available buyer (seller only)
• Always willing to talk and see where it goes (buyer and seller)
• Abstinent (organic growth only)

Top Tips for Filling Out Your Firm Dating Profile

• Firms with “wealth management” on their profile generate 20% more interest than those offering only compliance services.
• Profile pics with a team photo and leader headshots generate 40% more interest than those with only stock photography and 110% more than those with no photos.
• Upload medical records of key leaders to demonstrate the ability to commit to the future together.

When asked for his thoughts about the app, area firm Watts, Taber and Fiske Managing Partner Bill Billings said, “We’re feeling optimistic that even our practice might find a suitable buyer with Cringe.” After several failed attempts at succession planning, WTF is eager to make a match! Maybe you can be the lucky acquirer.

Internally, developers noted that the beta version mistake in which Cringe accidentally matched a selling firm with the buyer they were currently in talks with has now been corrected.

Cringe will launch on April 10 by offering a free one-year subscription to anyone who completes their profile by April 14. While the app wraps up the final development phase, a survey with similar questions and results from other respondents is available now.

Want to see past satirical April Fool’s Day posts by Kristen Rampe? Click here.